Good vs bad 1-1s

Here’s how to do them badly. Or not.

Howdy Girdleyworld!

Today it’s a greatest hit, but one that’s always worth a refresher:

  • How to run great 1-1s

Let’s do it!

A hill I’ll die on:

Unless you do regular 1-1s with your employees, you are not a great manager.

But just holding 1-1s doesn’t make you great. You have to do them right.

In my career I’ve had good and bad managers. I’ve also been a good and a bad manager at different times.

I learned from it all. So here you go:

11 things good managers do that bad managers don’t in 1-on-1's

✅GOOD MANAGERS focus 1-1 meetings on the most critical items on the report’s mind. They ask questions, probe, and coach.

❌BAD MANAGERS think 1-1 meetings are “more is always better." They focus on surface stuff but avoid real issues.

✅GOOD MANAGERS encourage reports to cancel 1-1 meetings sometimes. Best to focus on the mission.

❌BAD MANAGERS want employees in their office kissing the ring. They focus on activities rather than results.

✅GOOD MANAGERs make the 1-1 meeting the EMPLOYEE’s meeting. The manager focuses on helping the employee achieve their mission.

❌BAD MANAGERS make the 1-1 meeting about themselves, gossip, set the agenda, and do all the talking.

✅GOOD MANAGERS shut out distractions and give 100% of their attention during 1-1s.

❌BAD MANAGERS repeatedly glance at their phones or email during the 1-1. Some do other work or take calls, showing what they really think of the report.

✅GOOD MANAGERS mix up the 1-1 meetings by making them sometimes walking meetings, in-person, or even voice-only phone calls.

❌BAD MANAGERS insist that reports come to their office or Zoom and sit at attention.

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✅GOOD MANAGERS know 1-1 meetings aren’t all about business. They care about what’s going on in and out of the office for employees.

❌BAD MANAGERS only talk about the mission. They say, "Leave your feelings and ambitions at home! And no fun!"

✅GOOD MANAGERS take notes. They remember details for follow-ups and the next 1-1. This shows care for the employee.

❌BAD MANAGERS say “Send me this or that from this meeting." They forget what they hear week after week.

✅GOOD MANAGERS prioritize 1-1 meetings as standing meetings. They know Tuesdays or Monday afternoons are best, so people are fresh.

❌BAD MANAGERS make an employee stumble into their office on Friday (before lunch) to report what they did for them this week.

✅GOOD MANAGERS ask open-ended questions in 1-1s like “What’s on your mind?” and “What could be going better?” They look for what's not being said and try to help.

❌BAD MANAGERS worry about unimportant details or company politics and forget the big picture in 1-1s.

✅GOOD MANAGERS celebrate wins in 1-1s. They know that reports are working hard and benefit from acknowledgment.

❌BAD MANAGERS never say “Nice work!” or "Thanks!" They don’t build the trust needed when it’s time for honest criticism.

✅GOOD MANAGERS make time in 1-1s to talk about the work: Are you happy here? What are your dreams or ambitions? How can I help?

❌BAD MANAGERS hope that not talking about growth, salary, or even finding another job will make those things disappear.

One final thing: I like to give my new hires one-pager guide to 1-1s with me. It tells them what to expect, and shares what I’m expecting. 

If you’ve got any suggestions or improvements, I’d love to hear them!

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3 things from this week

  • Main: Want another take on 1-on-1s? Check out what my buddy Dave Kline uses with all his managers. You can download & customize his template here (the download link is below the subscribe form halfway down).

Have a great week!

Michael

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